Self Care 🏳️‍🌈 A Queer Recovery Podcast 🎙️

Our topic today is Self Care.  

🏳️‍🌈 Have any questions, comment or suggestions? Wanna be a guest co-host?

 🏳️‍🌈 Join Anthony & LouiLou for a new episode every Monday.  We record live from The Castro Country Club in San Francisco.

 🏳️‍🌈 We strive to create a brave space where we engage in topics of recovery, where there are no outside issues.

 🏳️‍🌈 Find us on all podcast channels: At The CCC

🏳️‍🌈 To send us a voice message or ask a question: go to https://www.castrocountryclub.org/podcast

#Queer #Recovery #LGBTQIA2S #Service #selfcare #selflove #takingcareofbusiness 

Transcript

Welcome that you are at the CCC where there are no outside issues my name is Anthony
I'm an alcoholic another bosu on the bus and I care about you and I'm Louis
Lou my pronouns are hand him and I am the recovery for crystal meth and alcohol
and I'm always in search of balance yes and each week we strive to foster a
brave space where we can engage in conversations centered around topics of
recovery and our intention is to hold an inspire better spaces for more people in
recovery by tackling issues sometimes used to separate us.
- Yeah, but before we do that, please like, share, comment,
and rate this episode.
- Rate this episode.
Share with a friend.
- Share with two friends.
- Share with two friends.
If you're looking for a reason to contact your actually,
like, "Hey, I thought you might like this."
- You might need it, bitch.
- And now the disclaimer, the thoughts and opinions
expressed on that the CCCR is,
and when we do not represent anyone but ourselves,
in other words, we're just a couple of friends
behind in my care to entertain you.
And of course, everything we talk about
this for general information purposes zone.
- Right on.
Oh my God, that was such a long week.
- Oh, it was a long week.
It was a long week.
January has been so many things happening.
- Yeah, exactly.
And generic stuff happening.
- Insurgency, generic things happening.
Because like, watch, could you imagine like by the time
that this episode airs, the things
that actually are happening.
'Cause actually, let's see, we'll be close to inauguration.
- Oh, yeah.
- Oh, yeah.
You know, I was just reminded that, I'm okay, think.
Lewis just tried to sabotage me,
who is handing me candy while I was speaking.
So, we've had people reach out to us
and say really nice things.
and I just, you know, Lewis and I have said this before.
Those messages mean a lot to us.
So yeah, send them.
We realize that, you know, there are people out there
that hear us and we might never get to talk to you,
but we really do appreciate you listening in
and being a part of our recovery.
- Yes, it isn't, it isn't www.podcast.castlecountryclub.
- Or RG.
- It's www.castlecountryclub.
Castro Country Club dot dot dot is it a dot com?
That's podcast that Castro Country Club dot O R G.
Oh yeah, so I've slash podcast.
So it's www dot www dot Castro Country Club dot
Whatever you wherever you're listening to this,
it's going to be in the body.
So please take, you know, take that opportunity.
Yeah, just reach out to us.
So you can reach us on any of our socials, of course.
Or if you are local and you see us in the neighborhood,
Let's have a conversation.
- Yeah.
Yeah, so I just wanted to say that that.
Here at the CCC podcast,
we really do appreciate all of our listeners
and we especially appreciate when people reach out
to say nice things,
because let me tell you something.
- Yeah, tell us.
- Because people have said mean things.
- Oh.
(laughing)
- Yeah, that's it.
- You mean things in the name of like whatever,
- No, no, no, no.
- I mean, someone told me that the podcast would be better
off without me and just having you.
- Oh God.
You know what I said?
- And then they're like, "I'm just kidding, I'm just kidding."
(laughing)
Why are people trying to break us up?
- I know, exactly.
It's like, I'm all, you know,
you see a good thing and you can't handle it.
It's like, whatever.
Also, it's like, you know, I think this idea that,
like it would be, I think some people,
they have an idea of what they think the podcast should be
or what it should become or whatever.
And they don't realize that the work
and the effort that was put in and the goals
is like, we knew what we wanted from the beginning,
like when Bonnie Vile and I sat down
and then you came on, it's like we knew what we wanted
and I feel like we're doing those things.
- Yeah, I think, you know, for folks curious
about what happens behind the scenes,
you know, there has, sometimes it does feel like
there's pressure to kind of move us in a different direction.
Excuse me, just burp.
(laughs)
But I didn't do it until the mic.
- Yeah, which is, wow, it's really,
like we've grown, I see.
- We have grown.
But yeah, there are pressures sometimes
to kind of push us in one direction or another.
And we're very clear about what our intention
and our messages and our intention is to like reach out
to other addicts in alcoholics that are out there.
- I think God, none of that pressure is coming from the--
- Our team.
- Yeah, because we have this amazing support team
like with Billy Limon, our executive director,
and Brandon, and Leo, and Jordan,
and Steven, and Jason, and Stephen, yeah.
- Right on.
- RIP James.
- Oh, I know, I know.
- I know, poor thing.
- RIP James.
So today's episode is supposed to be about self-care.
Absolutely.
Wars of those we talk about self-care.
And we're gonna talk about self-care.
Self-care is, we're being our authentic self-care, maybe talking about whatever we need
to talk about.
Yeah, okay, you know what's funny about the, oh no, I left this on.
I wonder if they can pick it up.
I'm pretty sure, turn it off.
You think so, we all turn it off.
Yeah, it's really cold in the studio space and I have a--
Because I have a writer that says that it needs to be my voice at need.
needs to be a certain--
- Yeah, I noted for my voice to some way it does.
Oh, so I was in a meeting recently.
I didn't talk about this already,
but I was in a meeting recently,
professional environment,
and my colleagues in our really exhausted.
And we had brought it up in this discussion.
And it was basically the response we got was,
well, you need to take better care of yourself.
As opposed to acknowledging that maybe there's
some institutional things that are making things a lot
like more difficult.
- Where did that come from?
You need to take better care of yourself.
- I mean, the person didn't say it like that,
but the response was, oh, you should have
stronger self-care practices, which is like,
okay, stronger self-care practices,
They don't change my schedule or my workload.
Not at all.
Are you going to support that?
Because it's--
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
All things considered, I also acknowledge that I am having
a shared experience with a bunch of other people,
which I so--
You know, I connected with someone.
You know there's some wonderful people out there.
Oh, yeah.
You know who you are.
You know who you are.
- And those of you who aren't.
- You know who you are too.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
(laughing)
- I connected with this girl from the East Coast.
She's in the program that I'm applying to.
And I was connected to her through a colleague of mine
who was like, "Hey, I actually know
"someone who's at that school.
"I'll connect to you."
This woman was just so wonderful.
And what I really appreciated about her was,
she was telling me about her interview experience
and she was just so real with me.
She said, "You know what, when I went to this,
I was so fucking tired and resentful
of the like how much I'd been working
and all hard things have been.
Like I just decided to show up to those interviews.
Like this is who I am.
This is the kind of work I do.
You saw my CV.
Of course respectfully, but there was something
very liberating about hearing her say like,
I'm done.
I'm done.
- Did it make a difference?
- I think it made a difference for me.
Yeah.
Did you have any proof that she did sabotage herself?
- No, she's there.
- Oh, okay, oh, yeah, yeah, she's there.
- Oh, okay.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah, she's there.
I don't think she was being disrespectful,
I think she said, really sweet.
She said, "You know, Anthony, trust yourself.
You know what, you know, you've gotten this far.
They saw your CV, they wanna interview you."
Just, you know, like, rest into that.
Obviously, still preparing.
But what she was saying is that when she interviewed
with this university that during the interview
it didn't feel like they were trying to trip her up.
Where sometimes interviews can feel like that,
like you're trying to like through a hard ball questions
or they're anything like that, you know.
- Well, do you get an idea that like,
that by the time you get the interview
they kind of want you?
Is there a hoping that you do well, like, through?
- Yeah, it's kind of a vibe check.
- It's kind of a vibe check, right?
Because the interview, yeah.
- Yeah, I mean, and that's why like,
you know, Benji and I have been talking a lot about this
because it might very well be that I end up on the East Coast.
And-
- Next year, somebody else will be sitting in Anthony's seat.
- We'll have to recruit, we'll have to find someone.
But you know, it's possible that I'll end up on the East Coast.
And am I bringing that up?
You were seeing something.
- No, it's just possible.
It's like, I'm, because you're preparing me for the worst.
(laughing)
- Yeah, I know.
Well, that's the thing is that,
there's still West Coast schools that I'm winning here from.
I forget what the point of all of this was.
Oh, self-care.
- Self-care, and I think, you know,
like that, one of the things that I appreciate
about the training that I'm getting now is that
all of my clinical supervisors,
say for one of them is very encouraging me to think freely and to be kind of creative
in my conceptualizations and really encouraging me to find what like my clinical identity is
and like to trust that and move in that direction.
And so that's why I appreciated this woman's advice and feedback on her.
And how do you feel about the other one?
All of those say for one.
Like, is that all the other guys?
guys, I think you weren't gonna let that go.
That's where the self-care comes in.
I don't have a idea what this is about.
Right, that's, you know what, that is very astute of you.
You're absolutely right.
That is where the self-care comes in.
But honestly, I think I'm gonna ask my director for a different person to help me with this
particular part of my training.
My understanding is that historically people have had issues with this particular supervisor.
And it's just too bad that there's like a history there.
He's all I'm preparing you for the real world.
Yeah, I mean the thing is is I don't yeah, there's gonna be somebody.
There's always gonna be somebody that I
just don't feel like he's really invested in like
my development.
So I you know, I'm gonna speak with my director and see if
there's somebody else that I can work under.
Cause I've been hearing about some of the other training experiences that my
colleagues are getting and I was like, wow, I'm not getting that at all.
I'm not getting that kind of like I'm not getting getting that level of attention. I'm not getting that level of feedback
It's fine. It's fine. It's fine. But self-care self-care rate like
self-care so
It's overrated some of the things that I do already like I always like incorporate like
mental health days like most beanings
No, no, you're sorry. Go ahead the problem is I will do it like I will use like
like PTO or whatever, I use it my sick time
and then usually what happens is the next day I get sick.
Go out, waw, waw.
- You know, I had all the places that I used to work at.
There was one place that you had sick hours,
holiday hours, but you also had mental health hours.
- Oh wow.
- Which I thought was really dope.
- Now that is the kind of commitment to,
like when you've got mental health hours,
like that's, wow, that's speaking to--
- And it's generous.
- That's picking to the commitment.
And this has to do with the type of work you do now, huh?
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
But I've only worked one institution
that had that embedded in the schedule
or like in the benefits plan.
Package, yeah.
So, you know, and part of that too is like
with my line of work and that of other people
is that there's just an expectation like,
you are gonna work these long-ass shifts
and that's just part of the nature of the beast,
which there is a part of me that's like,
"Well, yeah, I'm capable of doing it,
but I'm also like, yeah, but how sustainable is that?"
And like, what are suicide rates?
And like, what does turn over look like?
But self-care.
- So, self-care.
- Back to self-care, like something that I think about,
okay, so-- - What do you think about?
- Well, after the election, I shut down.
I shut down in a way where I was like,
I don't need any outside kind of influences.
- It's a hard time.
- You know how I am with social media and everything?
I don't need to hear any of this.
I just need to take a break from this.
Take a break and realize that it's just a break.
You know, I eventually like dive back in or whatever,
but I need to be right, because I was,
I had that emptiness, that ache, that whatever,
that despair, after the election.
after the election and it would not have been,
it would not have been healthy for me to kind of,
and I probably would have copped a,
even larger resentment,
had I been listening to all of the magas or people
who won and whatever celebrate him,
all you motherfuckers.
- Yeah, gosh, that's real.
- Because the level of,
or the lack of sportsmanship,
like, just as like, people are just sour.
- Can I be real with you?
- Be real.
- Can I be real with you?
- I, I fucking grew up poor.
- Right, like, grew up in the flicking projects.
You know, my family did the very best to provide for me,
but they're still rough.
- Uh huh.
- Right, like, I knew we didn't have money.
And I knew that our circumstances were different
from some of the people at school.
- Oh yeah.
- Right, and, you know,
So I belong to the generation of people
that were told, like, well, if you wanna do better,
you need to go to school, right?
So, worked really hard.
As a young person, went off to college,
went off to graduate school,
went to graduate school again,
and now I'm wrapping up the last of it.
And I have so much student debt, right?
and it's so difficult for me to look at my student debt
and think, oh, this feels like a motherfucking setup.
Like, I've put in all this work and this debt is like crushing,
right?
It's like, it's almost like I'm not even able to move up
and by move up, I mean like move up out of my like,
the like the social class of my upbringing
or the economic class of my upbringing
because I have like this mounting debt.
And sometimes it makes me wonder,
was this part of the plan.
You know what I mean?
It's like, yeah, you know,
they were opening up education,
but they were also essentially turning us into
indentured servants.
- Absolutely.
- And so, you know, I'm 40,
and I'll be graduating this year,
and I've been thinking a lot about like my financial health
and what does retirement look like,
and how long will it take me,
and will I be able to invest in organizations
that mean a lot to me, you know, and will I be able--
- In your time.
- Your time, they're like,
you ain't gonna be able to give them no money.
- Yeah, you know what I mean, but yeah,
and I mean, and my goal has never been
to be like the wealthiest person in the world.
That's never been my goal.
- There's nothing wrong with that.
- Yeah, yeah, I mean, I do wanna,
I wanna live comfortably,
I wanna be able to do things and, you know, buy a home
and, you know, go on the,
I want to be able to--
I want to find a way to siphon off a certain percentage that they would know.
All of these billionaires and trade all these people with a lot of money, I just want to
be able to tap into and collect my do for me to do.
Yeah.
In the end, it's okay.
I do want to be able to live comfortably.
I don't want to worry about bills.
I don't want to worry about, am I going to be able to afford something?
There's nothing wrong with that.
And so what's been on the forefront of my mind is like,
I've worked really hard to get to this point.
And I still struggle.
You know, and I still look.
And one of the things that my supervisor was saying
is like Anthony, it's temporary.
You know, you have one more year
and then you'll be out there and making more money.
- You're making more money, but it's like
the debt's not going anywhere.
- Yeah, you're right.
- It's having a easier time chipping away at it,
but it's still there.
- Yeah, it's certainly still there.
And you know, I've also been counting on public loan forgiveness.
And I don't even know if that program's gonna exist.
- I know, and that to me, like, hello, it's like,
why, why, why, why, we have folks,
we had a president who was making an effort
and of course people are so cynical
and dismissing it as like, it's a little too late.
- No, it's never too late.
It's never too late, especially when you constantly have folks
who are going up against you, who are kind of,
who are telling you to face them.
No, you know, you don't get this.
You don't deserve it.
- Oh God.
- Yeah.
- Makes me so mad I could spit.
- Yeah.
- So, taking care of myself, you know?
So, I mean, what does it look like for you?
- So I feel like it's being honest about
where I am emotionally, mentally, or whatever,
physically, because I think something I struggle with
in the past was kind of grazing over,
like not really owning what I was feeling,
not feeling like I had a right to feel,
like, you know, kind of just accepting things
as they are and not feeling like I could do something
to kind of alter that or also the way that I feel.
- Yeah.
- And so it is very important for me to kind of be honest
and I think that recovery has helped me to kind of talk
about things like I always think back to like the first time
I was able to talk to somebody about my feelings
of envy or jealousy.
- Ooh.
- And in the past it's like, I don't wanna talk about this
because this is embarrassing or whatever.
I don't want people to know that I'm this or that
or whatever, but it was freeing to be able to say,
yeah, I want this, I want this, and it's frustrating.
The way that I've worked through that is like,
obviously we have a lot of folks who are very effluent,
who have money, who, you know, in the program or whatever.
And I realized that, you know,
there's nothing wrong with that privilege, you know,
there's absolutely nothing wrong with that privilege.
It's like I don't have it, I mean,
- Well, here's the thing, is that,
I'm like, is this really an episode about self-care
'cause I'm about to rage.
- Well, no, exactly.
We are raging, I'm not, this is out here.
- We need to get this out.
- Yeah, well, because I'd be really interested
in seeing, like, yeah, there's like,
affluence around us, but I'd be very interested
in seeing like what the history of those people are,
right? Are these people who had a safety net growing up? But here's the thing is, I don't
want to hate on those people, but I can point to inequities and I can point to injustice
and I can point to the way institutions and different power structures, keep people in
poverty or make access to wealth much more difficult. And I think that's the part that
that's really frustrating for me.
And, you know, like just calling it what it is,
I think a big part of this for me is just seeing how,
how insane the wealth gap is
and how that gap plays out in different things
like health outcomes.
You know, and, yeah, well, that's my primary concern
is in health outcomes, you know,
like where we see like the most,
like heart disease and where we see diabetes
and where we see, right?
And so it's very difficult for me to consider
to consider wealth and not also think about
like the ways that access to that is very difficult.
- Yeah, I think one of the ways that I take care
of myself with regards to that
is that I surround myself with folks who I feel understand
and don't, 'cause there are some people that don't,
they don't understand, they just don't get it.
And it shows up and how they spend money
and how they do things around folks
and how they make plans.
You know, like there was a time where
every time I would go out to eat with friends,
we'd split the bill or whatever
and we'd end up someplace.
Like I remember one time we were at the sushi place
and in the mission and the bill came back
and was $75 and I'm all, excuse me.
And it was like a split bill between everyone.
Yeah, it's a split, it's $75 a piece
And I had a friend there who looked out for me,
but I made it a point, you know,
I don't need to hang out with those people.
I can love them and be in their life,
but I don't need to do that.
I don't need,
'cause what I was doing,
what I would end up having is I,
without knowing, I'd be judging where I was.
And not paying attention to where I was
and where I've come to.
- Yeah. - You know,
it's like, I've got to have moments
celebrate like my accomplishments.
Like on paper, I would say they don't look whatever,
but I'm so far from where I was.
- Sure, yeah.
- And like I can't let somebody else's,
and this is where the envy and the jealousy comes.
I can't let what they've got going on,
like throw me off course because I'm where I'm supposed to be.
- Yeah, well, I mean, this is a hard conversation for me
because not like hard and like I don't have it,
but it just brings up so much for me.
Excuse me.
It just brings up a lot for me.
And I think part of that is,
like one of the things that I wrote about
in a lot of my post-doc applications is that
I feel like I am intimately aware of the way
that poverty and addiction and racial,
social injustice, I'm intimately aware of how those things
together have an impact on someone.
And I look at my own case that way.
I'm gay, I'm brown.
- You're gay, I'm gay.
- I am your brown.
- I'm gay, I'm Latino, I grew up poor, I struggled
with addiction, I was in unhealthy relationships,
I see you're converted and you know, I became HIV positive.
You were a hub, you were a hub, right?
I was a hub, I was a hub, no Tinochet or sex work.
But the point is that it's hard for me to, of course, you know, I can take responsibility
for my actions, but it's very hard for me to like look at the trajectory of my past
and not think to myself like, wait a minute, like I'm operating, I'm existing within a
a larger system and this system has had an impact
on my family, which has an impact on me.
And I think, you know, and I'm working with patients right now
who come from families very similar to my own.
And it's wild to see the parallels
between like the things that I struggled with growing up
and what I see happening in these families.
And that's not a fucking coincidence, right?
- Yeah, and we've talked about the ACEs score
and the past.
- I was thinking this episode, like a Trojan Horse episode.
- He's like, he's like, he's got self-care.
- We set self-care.
- I'm not saying it's like, I'm all yours.
- We're gonna give you something to need self-care.
(laughing)
- No, you know, I appreciate you playing that out
because, and how do I deal with that?
- Uh-huh.
- You know, how do I deal with that?
And I think the way I deal with it is
in having conversations with people like you.
- Yeah, absolutely.
- You know, it's just, this is underlying.
It's like, it might not be like,
but this is self-care.
It's like not holding onto this shit.
is finding a person that you trust.
- Yeah, it's like you say finding your duties.
- Yeah, finding your duties and talking about stuff
because I think that what has been so healing,
what has been so cathartic is this podcast.
Because the level of healing, you know, the level of,
like I, it's touched so many other areas of my lives
and how I show up sponsorship,
like when I share meetings, when I, all of these things,
it's like I think about like conversations
that we've had and our tagline,
there are no outside issues.
I talk about everything.
- Yeah.
- I bring everything to the forefront.
- And I think I've shared that with you before
where the things that saved me
are like having conversations with friends.
You know what I mean?
It's like that has been like the best self-cars
just been connecting with like people
that I love that love me.
Putting myself in social situations, you know,
in the end for me, when I'm not at my best,
I'm like isolating him at home.
I'm not interacting with anyone.
The dishes are piling up, the room is mess.
Things are incomplete disarray,
but when I connect with other people,
talking to friends, family, not necessarily family,
but we'll send people in my family.
But connecting with other people,
what I was gonna say, you were reminding me of this earlier,
is the best self-care for me
isn't just like calling shit what it is.
You know, like not pretending like everything's fucking fine
'cause that's crazy making.
- Oh God, it's so.
- You know?
Yeah, so it's like, and it's okay not to be okay.
You know, it's okay to like, to vent,
it's okay to do what you need to do
and in order to like make sure that you're not,
you know, like being flooded.
- Yeah, exactly, 'cause it's like,
the more you resist it, the harder it is to overcome.
- Yeah, and you don't have to gas let yourself.
- Yeah, exactly, no way.
It's like, and then people around you are gaslighting
you're telling you don't have a right to feel
what the fuck you're feeling.
It's like I'm all the responsibility is yours
to kind of step away.
Like I'm like, you know, thank you for sharing,
but no, this is not gonna happen.
This is what I'm feeling.
I'm gonna feel it.
Yeah.
And I'm gonna feel it all over you.
You know, you know what's,
Vermont is,
but what are, you, okay.
So you know how like there's some people out there.
There's some people out there that are like,
I'm your friend, so I'm gonna tell you this like hard truth,
etc. etc. Or and the hard truth is actually more of a criticism than I do.
Absolutely.
And I heard someone say that you don't need those friends.
Right? Like you're going to go out into the world and the world is going to,
the world is going to criticize you. It's not always going to be friendly. When you bring people
into your life, those are people that you should feel, like, you know, they should fill you up
in the same way that you fill them up.
You don't need people in your life that are chipping away
at like yourself of steam or you're yourself for it.
- So I heard something about like they're the friends
in that gray area.
They're like something to that effect
where they're constantly telling you the hard truths,
like not just, yeah.
- I just don't see how that's helpful.
- No, not at all, not at all.
- Let's see how that's helpful.
- I actually did a TikTok on,
And I was talking about like, you know, I used my father as an example, but it's a lot
different now.
This is how it used to be where I would go to him, all excited to not tell him about
something that I was working through.
And I think that he thought he was being a service to me by talking about the pitfalls
rather than just saying, you know, it sounds good.
Maybe you should try and see what's going on.
And I thought about like the me at that time being a more of a people pleaser and holding
him on this pedestal and not being able to see it from this adult point of view and maybe
it kind of diminishes or took away an opportunity for media because I didn't after listening
to you know when you hear all of them after you know the medication doll and the side effects
(laughing)
Can't cause death.
(laughing)
That's all I heard.
- Yeah.
- And looking back now, I can see that he was trying
to be helpful, but I'm like, you know what?
Maybe what you do is you just encourage, you know?
I think you should try it.
Why not?
What's the worst that can happen, you know?
I mean, there's ways to kind of approach it,
but I think that if I am being aware
and paying attention to the people around me,
then like you said, I'm thinking about those folks
in realizing what's your motives, what's your true motives.
And if you're not here for me, who are you here for?
- Yeah, and it's not letting other people's
short-sightedness about themselves
or their own shortcomings become your reality.
It's like oftentimes when someone says,
oh, you're not capable of doing that
or girl maybe do something else,
that it really what they're saying is I'm not capable.
they are not capable of doing that.
Maybe they would have to look at something else.
Yeah, I think that a lot of the people
that have been most influential in my life
have been people who have,
even if they didn't know how I was gonna go about something,
I was encouraged and I was supported a lot.
- Yeah, absolutely.
I didn't take much to just encourage report,
keep your goddamn mouth shut.
- It does it, you know what?
I told Benji that this week too.
It doesn't cost anyone anything that's just fucking be nice.
You know what I mean?
Keep your fucking negative thoughts, you're fucking self.
- I don't fucking, should he have attitude.
- I don't fucking, should I always say it now?
I say it now and some people get it,
"I'm all pay attention, it's shit's free."
(laughing)
- Just pay attention.
- Yeah, just, that's himself, Kurt too.
You know, like, let me tell you,
If, I mean, this isn't much like personality,
but it really isn't.
But it would cause me more harm to like,
sick back and like just talk shit about people
as opposed to just them, you know,
like letting people just live their fucking life.
- Yeah, it's true.
It's like, I'm all, we spend too much time on other folks.
And don't get me wrong.
Sometimes it's fun.
(laughing)
Depending on who I'm doing it with,
because we like to call it cares and concerns.
(laughing)
But I think of that on that topic.
I had a good friend Charles M.
He, I told him about my struggles early on
about like character assassination and gossip
and what have I ever said.
You know what?
Okay, so first off, we come in here and I'm not perfect.
Even though I thought I was supposed to be,
you know, 'cause sometimes without knowing,
and nobody really tells you that,
but that's what you think.
I was gotta gotta be spiritual.
Everything's gotta be spiritual.
You know what?
If I surround myself with people who know
what I'm working towards and that I am a work in progress
and I'm not always gonna do it perfectly.
You know, because it's like, I've gotten much better.
It's like, there are times where I'll get up
and walk away because I'm not interested in doing that, you know?
- Yeah.
- And there are times where I stay because I stay
with the butter popcorn because this is what I need.
- Yeah, you know what I've been meaning
to tell you about something.
- Tell me.
- So, I have this friend who a lot of people,
who a lot of people have issues with.
- Uh-huh.
- They have history, you know?
And it's not unwarranted, you know?
Like this person has done such shady things.
And in general, you know, I find them to be kind of dishonest.
And, you know, recently I had an experience with them that felt,
just not good.
I'm being really big.
- Leg is okay.
Yeah, I'm being really back.
But so the thing is is that I have been here
with this person before.
And I've had to, I think,
establish some internal boundaries
around my relationship with this person.
And like I know they're picking up on it
and it's not like I haven't been clear.
I just haven't been very available.
And that's interesting to me because,
I don't even know if interesting is the right word here.
But what's difficult for me,
I don't even know if it's difficult,
but basically what I'm trying to say is,
like do we need to have a conversation
about why I don't wanna spend more time with you?
You know what I mean?
Do I really owe anyone an explanation?
I've got a lot of stuff going on right now,
and I have a lot of lovely people in my life,
and you know, like you've shown your ass a few times.
- Exactly, it's like,
the consequences of acting or behaving in the way it should.
- Or if it isn't the consequences of my actions.
- I know, I know, I know.
(laughing)
- Oh my God, is it really?
- Yes, exactly.
- Oh wow.
- I know, it's like,
'cause I saw the moment when we get to the gear,
it's like, "Ah, you grab the mic."
It's like, "Oh yeah, another thing."
(laughing)
- Yeah.
how we can start talking about things and time.
We'll go, 'cause this is it.
This is exactly like if you're listening,
not holding this shit in, not talking about the things
that you're passionate about.
And then another piece to that is that,
when you're around people and you see their eyes glaze over
and they're not able to appreciate or accept it,
this is a great way to sort through bullshit.
And I don't want to call people bullshit, but so you know there are folks who are going to be able to back and forth
Give you and take and whatever and there are people that just
Just don't yeah, and they won't and there is you know
I think the only only crime where the only sin in all of this is that when people are unable to be genuine or honest about
The fact that you know, I don't have this for you like when I'm going through like what I was going through the last couple months
I had to say a few times, I don't have to band with for this.
- 100%.
- I respect that from somebody who said,
you know what, I can't carry this.
I thank you, but no, you know what, don't give it to me.
I can't hear it because I'm not gonna do anything.
Go with it.
- Yeah, yeah.
I feel compelled to say that, you know,
if your gay lesbian, bisexual, transgender,
questioning, and ally,
I think a lot about all of the different things
that impact like the LGBTQ+ community.
- Oh, God, yeah.
- You know, our suicide rates are really high.
Our addiction rates are really high.
There are a lot of things that take us out.
And what I want you to hear is that it doesn't have
to fucking suck, right?
That there are good people out there.
And I don't know if that means you find them
on the internet or you move or whatever,
but there are good people out there.
There are good people everywhere.
- Yeah.
I would encourage you if you do nothing else,
just look for that one person.
- Yeah, absolutely.
- You know, life is worth living.
- Yeah.
- And then also you try to be that good person
for somebody else.
- And try to be that good person for someone else.
- Absolutely.
- Being a good person, we do that for ourselves.
It's not for other people.
- Absolutely, yes.
I think that my ideas of karma are that,
You know what? It's not all this. It's not like the stuff that that in my mind, it's not the stuff that you
You save up and put in a good or bad thing
It's how you feel in the moment karma is like when I do something nice when I treat you with respect or whatever
It's the good feeling that I have at that moment and vice versa. So yeah, it's like my sponsor says are you you know?
Are you watering the flowers or are you watering the weeds?
Speaking of your sponsor.
Did you see her at New Year's?
Yes.
She was flawless.
She was beautiful.
Yeah, they came in.
She came in with Becca.
And I can't think of the other woman's name,
but she was amazing.
And so they were just fired.
They were just like--
Yeah, they're fantastic.
I love, I love, love, love, cry on.
Yeah.
It was so good to see her.
Yeah, it was lovely.
So lovely.
It was very lovely.
We--
We're landing this plane.
Are we landing this plane?
>> Yeah, so the Castro Country Club is a safe
and sober community center for all people,
and a refuge for the LGBTQ Recovery Community.
>> We provide programs and services
that help change lives by supporting personal growth.
>> And our vision is to reduce the suffering
of addiction by connecting people
to community opportunity and support.
>> You can find more information,
including all the ways to contact us at www.castrocountryclub.org
up slash podcast.
and please tune in to our new episodes every Monday.
>> Yeah, they release every Monday, don't they?
>> Yes, they do, it's like pretty cool.
And you can also catch episodes on YouTube
and a Castor Country Club page
and anywhere you listen to podcasts.
>> Yeah, the YouTube ones are just audio now,
but we'll have, we actually have an episode coming up
that we're gonna do live recording in studio.
>> Absolutely.
>> We have a special guest coming in.
I won't share this special guest's name just yet.
Just in case.
Things change.
But as usual, thank you for listening to us.
We love you.
Come back.
We'll see you soon.
Bye.
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